3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
