who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
