My friends, they love my intelligence
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
