I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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