Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
