i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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