Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
