I'd wear matching sweaters with you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
