...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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