Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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