Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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