Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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