Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
