my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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