i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
