Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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