i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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