i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
