you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize