would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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