I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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