So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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