we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
