The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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