He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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