When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
