So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
