apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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