I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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