just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
