He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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