Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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