thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
