Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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