What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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