So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
