i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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