Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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