YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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