You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize