I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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