I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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