Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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