Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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