he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
