Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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