Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
