guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize