I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
