I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
