I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
