So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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