I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
