Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
