so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
