They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
