the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
