If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
