Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
