She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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