i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
PANTIES FOUND
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