New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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