Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
