So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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