Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A+ Viking dick
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