So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
