he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
