theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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