We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
