Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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