they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I did not marry a roomba.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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