addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
