I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
nutella sex= disaster
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm getting married
To pizza
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
