I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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