if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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