capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
