that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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