Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize