You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
