I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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