I wish they made helmets for livers.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
