Already got asked if we're dating
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
