It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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