Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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